my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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