you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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