your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
