needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
