apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
