Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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