You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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