The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
