I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
