I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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