come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
