Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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