Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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