1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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