Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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