debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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