Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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