If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
