FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
