just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize