So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
