She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize