Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
