Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
