i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
