I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
