i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
