Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
