Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
