I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
