I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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