Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
