NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
