fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
