Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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