I got chris browned last night
well you can't waste a boner
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
