How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
