My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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