Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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