life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
