I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
