i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
