its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
