You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize