I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
