As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
