my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
