somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
