We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
