the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize