Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
