You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
