the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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