You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so that wasnt chicken after all
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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