i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
