just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
