blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
