Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have started to decorate penises.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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