It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
