come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
