So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
