people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't notice because vodka
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
