I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
