did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
