My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
