Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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