I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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